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Thinking of number two

I am nowhere near ready to have another child.  I’m so smitten with my daughter that in this moment, I couldn’t imagine having another baby.  I know it’s a cliché, but I really do wonder how in the world I’ll have enough room in my heart for another.  I’ve been told countless times that your heart grows but I look into her eyes and she’s my entire world and I just don’t know how a heart can get big enough for more.

When my husband and I were dating, he joked that he wanted eight kids – at least I think, no I hope it was a joke.  I gave him a serious side-eye and said, “You know I’m 32, right?  I couldn’t have that many even if I wanted to, which I absolutely do not.”  Even when I was pregnant, he asked me how soon we could get started on the second one.  I pushed him away, asking if I could finish with the first one, thank you very much.

Now that she’s here, I have no idea how in the world I would manage more than one baby.  And she’s easy!  She started sleeping through the night at eight weeks old, she’s happy and she only fusses when she’s hungry, dirty or tired, all things I can easily fix. I’m pretty sure this means if I have another one, he or she will be the exact opposite – isn’t that a rule?  Only one easy kid per family?  Never mind that pregnancy isn’t exactly the most fun I can imagine having.  Going through that again with an active toddler to chase is not my idea of a good time.

I know that this only means I’m just not ready.  I also know that one day the switch will turn on and I’ll be ready to add to our family, because I would like to have at least one sibling for my daughter.  Just as I wasn’t the first woman alive to have first-time-mom anxiety, I’m not the first one to contemplate the nuances of having more than one child.

One of these days, we’ll add to our family, but for now I’m soaking up every minute I have with my daughter – just the two of us.