As I sit here and write this, it's my due date; still, no signs of labor and I have to admit I am getting antsy! Everything is ready – car seat is installed, crib and bassinet have been assembled, I even got a special mani/pedi in baby blue for my baby boy - baby blue nails look fabulous by the way! I'm not sure how else to occupy myself while waiting for labor to start so I'm glad I can sit and write what is on my mind about breastfeeding.
This being my first child, a lot comes to mind when I think about taking care of him but I am pretty confident in my ability to care for a baby. I grew up babysitting little cousins and have always been super maternal. I know how to bathe babies, change diapers, hold them, clothe them, and have been doing it since I was very young but obviously I have never nursed a baby!
Out of every aspect that will be involved in caring for my baby, breastfeeding is definitely the one I am most nervous about. It is also the one I want the most to be successful at. As I'm getting closer and closer to giving birth I can't help but feel some anxiety about not the labor surprisingly, but the breastfeeding.
One of my friends told me that when she was pregnant, she would wake up with wet sheets from breastmilk leaking and I haven't seen a drop throughout my whole pregnancy. Does this mean I won't produce enough milk? All of my research says no, not all women leak milk during pregnancy but still I worry. It would break my heart to see my little guy depending on me for nourishment and my body simply not cooperating. That is probably my greatest fear in all of this... that somehow I won't "come through" for him.
Plus, in 12 weeks I'm supposed to go back to work which means I will be pumping in the office. Will I be able to produce milk without my baby physically being there? I just wonder if it will feel silly to have this machine attached to my boobs, no baby sounds, no baby touch, no baby smell... how will my brain know that I need to let down milk? Is it a mind over matter kind of thing? Will I need to put sounds of my baby crying on tape?
I think I'm going to email my childbirth class instructor about this right now. I try not to spend too much time worrying about all this and I am so glad that I have support and so much information is out there. I can't wait to spend time in the hospital with my newborn and the lactation consultant. I have so many questions!
My mom and many of the women in my family have not breastfed their babies. I didn't grow up with breastfeeding being the "norm" so fear of the unknown is really the issue here. I know that worry has no gain and so I am deciding right now to stop wasting energy or time on worry. I have to believe in myself and know that I can do this! I was made for this!
Well, I'm glad I got all that out... now if only I could get this baby out – ha!